I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
