If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
