I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
