There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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