Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
