Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
