they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
