hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize