East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
