id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
