I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
