im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She needs sedatives and a leash
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
