Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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