Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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