I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
