oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
