you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
