No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize