It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
