Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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