Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
