i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
