I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
