Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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