Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
