Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
