is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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