That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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