im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
