i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
