i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
