is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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