lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
