Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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