You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize