fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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