He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
