marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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