The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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