i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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