Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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