i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize