I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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