I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this just has baby written all over it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
