i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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