i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
