at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize