You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
