the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
