I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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