Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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