Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
