There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
whose parrot is this?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
