I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize