Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
