ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
