I'm jealous of your bromance
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
