Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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