remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
