I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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