Sponge bath it is.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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