I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
