He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
