literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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