my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
