If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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