I'm eating all of the evidence.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
