I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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