he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
