I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
