I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
