i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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