I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
