K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
