I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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