No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
