Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
