I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
