why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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