yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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