Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
