she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
