You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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