He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God, you're like boner-b-gone
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
