so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize