I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
