dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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