You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize