I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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