Porn is love you can see.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
