You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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