...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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