pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
