We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you had me at cake vodka
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize