yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
