I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
