And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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