she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
