fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize