Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
