I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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