Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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