i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
