i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
